Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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