hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
