Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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