what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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