Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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