lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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