I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
