I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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