It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
