so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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