I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I could fuck to npr.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
