i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
