the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
