were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
