I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
