"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
