Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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