Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
