I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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