I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
