The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
