you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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