he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
