just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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