I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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