found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
