It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
