So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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