you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
