you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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