She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's paint friendship bongs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
