When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
