and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
