Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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