Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
