I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
