I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
