dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
