i may or may not be watching the land before time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
