you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
