you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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