Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
