Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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