A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
