Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
