you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
