he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
