Tell her she can't have a vagina
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
