well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
