And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
